Manifesting and Telekinesis

I have been working on many projects in different aspects of my life one of which is coming out of my spiritual closet. I am getting 50/50 results, which is awesome. It's weeding out who my real friends are and who truly are open and spiritual as they profess to be. One thing I keep bucking against is others egos. I am usually introverted and never been one to ever brag or speak highly of myself. I am a soul on a quest... seeking very profound answers and I keep hitting walls of silence. On the other hand, I am finding my self empowerment to be quite nice. Speaking out is not necessarily being egotistical but I think my sharing too much information for those who are is proving to be quite an interesting lesson. I suppose I need to prepare myself for the good and bad when my book gets published. I'm ready. I'm tired of living in silence. I'm tired of hiding my gifts afraid of what others many think. I'm real. I may be a freak but damn it... I'm a good and kind soul and no one is going to keep me silent anymore. Often it is those who step out of the mob mentality that are brave to face the worse odds and opposition that come out the leaders, the winners, the ones who change worlds! I say everyone should let their freak flag fly. Anyway... I work with a lot of energy healing. I live in a not so nice area of the country. I currently live in Pittsburgh, PA and it has a very dense negative energy. It's been horrid living here. As an emapth this is one of my gifts. The area I lived in Mississippi was beyond magical and it was beyond traumatizing to have to move from there. Las Vegas though a glitzy fake town vibrated a bit higher then here. I can't even breathe it feels as if I'm choking on negative energy. It could be the conservative stagnant mentality of the population. It could be my husband bought a house that's haunted and smacked up beside a gas company that surrounds us on all sides. It could be that this area is notorious for raping Mother Gaia of her resources. It also could be that there is no tranquility or peace in any direction as the population density is toxic. Anyway, that is my current situation. I get tired a lot here. I feel frazzled. My usual way to get rid of pent up energy after I transmute it is to go far into nature for at least a day and release that energy so that I can heal properly. I can't do it here. I need to be in an area where there are no humans, no noisy redneck vehicles going by and there must be absolute silence and space! Not here and when I can't release this energy I usually get the electronic events such as electronic items acting crazy, lights going out, things flying in the air and it's starting to happen, just a little. I took a nap today as I was just so drained and actually jumped into the astral very quickly. I don't have normal dream patterns by the way. I studied it. I can go into R.E.M. within 10 minutes. Not normal according to medical books. I gave up a long time comparing myself to what "normal" should be. This was a good one!

Dream: Look What I Can Do!
I am in the middle of what appears to be an old as in years not the state of it. The streets are all brick not pavement. I am in front of a beautiful cathedral and this cathedral makes me feel very safe. There is a large fountain in the middle of what must be the square of the city. I walk up and down the street feeling quite at home. It's so quite and peaceful in this sacred space. I see numbers and lettering on the front of the cathedral. They were in no particular order and so I wanted to play with them. I can do this. I've always been able to do this. With that thought I focus my intent on the number 2 and it falls off the wall and floats gently to my feet. I then take a letter and do the same thing. Oh how I wish I can do this on earth I think to myself. I desire to manifest now! End of dream.

Interpretation: Psychological/Mechanical/Spiritual: This dream though short in my description, spoke volumes. As a child and I won't be afraid to say it, I've always tried to move things with my mind. I will share a particular funny incident someday. For sure it will be in my book. I have always been able to recall my dreams and manipulate my dream worlds. As I matured and came more into who I am, I realize that I am visiting different astral planes. They are real . I've visited my father. Seen my grandparents. Visited the Akashic Records. It's all there! One of my big things is that in most of my dreams I am not human. Still not sure and that is what I'm working on in discovering. My "real" home is much lighter in vibration then earth. I can fly freely and teleport instantly. I recall as a child being fascinated with my hands. Hands, feet, noses .. the whole human works is funny to me and very very heavy. When people talk about ghost and dying, I've never thought of myself as in human form. More like energy and light. This I know scares the hell out of the "norms". How dare someone not be human? It doesn't make me any better and I think this is the resistance I keep meeting is. I think there is a greater plan then mankind can comprehend because they have in fact lost or hidden their original god spark and so left is the illusion that anything that is not man is either inferior or superior and both bodes ill in the sight of humans. One is destroyed and the other is either worshipped or as history has shown.... destroyed. The goal of course by introducing other lifeforms and energies onto this planet is to awaken mankind from their slumber before they do themselves in and all that inhabit the planet.


Back to the manifestation: We of course are made of energy and vibrate. This isn't voodoo or nonsense it is science. It's the Law of Attraction: What you vibrate is what the Universe sends back. I of course did not choose or personally pick the house or area in which we live in so here is what I did. I focused on the Universe to give us an even trade. I wanted a nice home in the country like I had back in Missisippi. Well.... I didn't get that but .... the Universe did do as I say. What!? You just said.... well it appears that when we were preparing our taxes we noticed that we paid for the current home we live in the exact price that we sold my magical home back in Mississippi. But here is where I went wrong. I was not an active participant in this move. I was complacent. I assumed everything would work out without me. WRONG!!! Hard lesson learned. I have a gift. I am stepping up to the plate now. I can manifest. I can feel and sense out what is wrong and right and I have no one to blame but myself for being lackadaisical. It will all work out and I chalk it up as to a learning experience. I'm more stern and disciplined in my spiritual endeavors now and that's all folks. This is one big learning experience. Roll with it and come back up ready to be the best that you can be. We need to dig deep for that ultimate potential that resides within us all. We can do great things once we get out of our own way!

Many blessings,
Tawnya

Wolves and Shirley Maclaine, oh my!

Okay so what's up with the catchy title? I don't know why but those were the two dreams I had. No connection to one another as they took place at two different times of dreaming state. Both though were quite interesting and worth sharing. Read on....

Dream#1 Three Wise Wolves
I am in a house and there is a strong storm approaching. The wind is howling, the skies are darkening but I am not afraid as this storm is not going to affect me directly. My husbands dogs are running amok and I tell him he better call them in before they get into trouble. He's watching television and ignoring me as always. I go outside to call the dogs and they come in shaking and panting, oblivious to any approaching store. Just before shutting the door I see three enormous wolves leaving the woods and coming towards me. I am not sure what I should do. They are massive in size. Are they here because of the dogs? "No, we are here for you." the leader of this small group answers. What!!! A talking freaking wolf!?!

The three wolves step up onto the deck and make their way into the house. They lead me to one of the bedrooms where it is quiet and they surround me. I drop to the floor and I ask the Alpha if I will remember this? The wolves begin to tell me things and I feel myself going into a trance state. They make me feel so comfortable and relaxed these three huge wolves. "Who are you?" I ask. Their voices take over me and I fall asleep in the midst of their whispers. End of dream.

Interpretation: Spiritual This dream was definitely spiritual for me. This is not the first time I have been given messages from my animal totem. Wolf has been with me long before it became a fad with the general public. Wolf is much more to me then an animal. I have in the past shape-shifted in an altered state into a wolf. You can find that elsewhere in this blog. I also have been able to shape shift into a hawk and raven. Though I am not a Native American in this lifetime. I have carried over the memories, skills and gifts when I was a Lakota Elk Dreamer. To any new readers reading this it may seem silly or unreal but it isn't. I lead a very interesting path that very few understand and I am at peace with that now. It takes bravery, hard work and perseverance to pave one own path. Anyway, this is the first time a wolf spoke. I think perhaps these three beings were not really wolves. I think they were teachers/healers giving me information and healing. I woke up inspired refreshed and ready to make major changes and breakthroughs. I've been working with Archangels and Ascended Masters trying to sort things out. I know I am an awakened being,  I know I am a gifted empath/psychic but there are missing pieces and I 'm in a state of waiting for something major. I'm in testing mode right now or kind of an initiation state. Frustrating as hell  but necessary I know for my spiritual evolution. Now I know why that it has been said most souls would rather be told what to do rather then to have to actually work on their spiritual path. It's fucking tough, but I wouldn't have it any other way. I want to grow and evolve not stay stagnant so I chose this path and I knew what I was getting into. I know I have powerful guides surrounding and protecting me at all times. Every real psychic I have spoke with has seen them as well. This is not boasting at all. When I say I have been through hell on earth, I have been in some very low points and quite a few close death experiences. Another reason I need to get my book out in order to dispel the public myth that all psychic have it easy like they show in the movies or on television. The path is rarely smooth and we always don't see clearly I own life's decisions. To sum this up, the dream was a message dream that the higher soul self received. I however in my human body cannot bring that knowledge up at this time. It has been accepted and received as the result of my high energy and awareness upon waking.

Dream#2 Shirley Maclaine Everywhere!

This dream is actually funny and I don't know what to make of it. Be prepared to laugh. I sure did!

I am at a casino in England. It is a very ritzy one and I happen to be in the high roller pit. It's noisy as a typical casino is and the place is packed. I want some fresh air and tell my husband that I want to go outside and get some fresh air. I am dressed in a red sequined gown so tight and can barely move. I walk out onto the main area of the casino and everywhere I look I see Shirley Mclaine. What!!!!??? The dealers are all Shirley Maclaine. The cocktail waitresses are all Shirley Maclaine. I'm quite shocked and every turn I make I run into someone with Shirley Maclaine's face! I bump into a heavyset woman in a wheelchair and as I look down to apologize...... it's none other then Shirley Maclaine. What the hell is up with Shirley Maclaine I  shout and everyone stops to stare at me. ... you got it.. Shirley Maclaine.

Interpretation: Like all mediums I get messages in the form of symbols. Now the last time I watched a movie with Shirley Maclaine was many moons ago and it was Steel Magnolias. The only thing I can think that would matter to me is that she is very spiritual and open like me. It took great courage for her to come out of the spiritual closet with her stance on reincarnation. I recall when it came out that the public made a negative fuss about it. I heard the words weirdo, freak and crazy. Oh I know that is what they will call me when I come full out. I don't give a rat's ass anymore what others think. Also the message could be that everyone I meet has been incarnated many times over and over like me ... they just don't remember like I do. I say it's a 50/50 deal. It's a burden and a gift to recall  one's past lives. I think that the past lives we do recall have to do with the current life far as healing , learning and evolving.  I'm a very very old soul. Been doing this for quite awhile and it's the reason I get so frustrated with the human race. I'm just tired. Ever been on a super long plane trip or even road trip. You just want to get to the destination as you are bone weary. That is me. But.. I perservere. I get miffed at times when younger souls assume on my pissy days that I am not evolved or I'm having a "negative" day.. I want to say.. "Listen you little whippersnapper, when you have been working as long and hard as I have.. you'll know what it's like to get tired and weary from trying to wake and teach humanity." But of course I can't say such things. I won't allow my human ego to do such things. I just smile and nod and their immaturity as I am sure my spirit guides do with me.

Wrapping up the Shirley Maclaine deal.... I haven't a clue other then my theories of reincarnation and the spirit of adventure we two share in the "coming out of the spiritual closet".

Blessings Always,
Tawnya

Awakening Part II

Okay today is the day for the good stuff. Though this was a tough time and experience to go through initially, in the end it was the most awesome spiritual growth spurt I have ever went through. I am very grateful to have had the chance to go through it. I didn't let the seizures define me. I didn't go around announcing it to the world. It just was something my human shell was experiencing.. or so I thought!

After many rounds of different meds and the endless doctors visits to so called specialist I started to come out of my initial state of  rewiring/awakening. The first two years I was not there in my body. Even my husband noticed that I would stare blankly for long periods of time without blinking.. all the while my body looked like it was repeatedly being shocked over and over again. Bless this dear sweet soul who chose to walk beside me during this. He is truly a gift this dear husband and best friend. He really deserves a medal in my eyes.

At about the the third year I became lucid and in my body once again. Seizure activity was still taking place. The electric strikes in my brain were not as intense but other things stared to increase. And when I mean increase it is that they were manifesting prior to this but not as frequent or strong. To make it easy I will list them with an explanation.

1. Snakes! I had to just list that one first. I work with totem animals and for some reason I started to have dreams of snakes. They would bite me and I would actually let them. You may find entries in this blog about these incidences. They would appear everywhere. I would be feeding all my critter outside and they would be everywhere. They never once tried to bite me. Even when I almost stepped on them So what was up with the snakes. Snakes by western religions have always been associated with evil and the devil I dismissed that a long time ago. In other cultures the snake is a powerful healing totem. See where I am going? When they bite you , it is said they are administering ancient wisdom into you. Forgotten knowledge. Along with dreaming and the snakes appearing everywhere in my waking world.. I had the feeling of  a snake crawling up my spine! AUGH!! True fact. I would be sitting down watching television or even doing chores and it would start... at the bast of my spine it felt as if a snake was crawling the length of my spine. I'd kind of go into a wiggle dance.. anything to make it stop. Then the oversexed feelings came on. I was horny constantly. I didn't act out but my husband asked what the hell was I taking? I had to dig deep. What is this? It was Kundalini Awakening. You may look it up but it basically means the awakening of the serpent and or inner knowledge and spiritual wisdom. I guess my time had come. I had no teachers or guides to tell me this. I had to figure this one out on my own. I had all the symptoms. The waking of the Kundalini. I never in a million years would ever think such a thing would happen to me. But it did. So far.. I have broken every rule, every traditional way of thinking when it comes to spirituality. Which is why I am telling my tale to teach others that may be following a similar path. It's a lonely one. It is for sure challenging. But this needs to be said.. if you have chosen this path... you my dear soul are a very very strong soul. You are a very ancient and wise soul and do not let the paths of others drown your own beautiful awakening. On to more cool stuff!
2. Electromagnetic Madness: This is the real interesting one. The first thing people try to do is attach a scientific explanation to this phenomena. I have met very few people that experience this to the lengths and severity that I do.  This is one that most people back away from me. Either they think I'm an outright liar or just freaking crazy. I'm neither and I have witnesses. I suppose I could always do this but I blamed it on ghost or power surges. Here's what happens. It seems I have this incredibly strange electromagnetic field. I haven't been able to wear a watch since 1997. I can but they never make it past a week. When I get very angry, agitated and there is a build up of energy I will cause clocks to stop, lights to blow out whether I touch them or not, I destroy computers, I fry electrical systems. There was a particular time where my dear sweet husband caught on. We were driving down a street in Vegas. We were on our way home from the gym and with my job and goodness knows what else I was agitated as hell and as we drove... every single streetlight blew out. I play havoc with phones. If I get excited in either a good or bad way.. all you can hear is a loud noisy electronic hum. This electronic stuff is an everyday occurrence. It actually has been with me all my life. As a child it was not as strong as I did not have the pressures and responsibilities as I do as an adult. And I found out that by being near nature or having the ability to go into nature for long periods of time I can rid my excess energy. But when I can't.... there is electrical chaos! I suspect this coincides with my gift of empathy. I take in and transmute all energy to heal. Just now starting to "remember"  this is one of many jobs I have to do. The last big episode I had was just last month. I was in the hospital with chest pain. I was having many tests to make sure I had not had any heart damage. I now know what happened. Overload. I was at a job that I was forced to take that was against my path and my body rebelled. Working in the retail food industry over the holidays is beyond toxic to me. Anyway, I was down to my last test on the second day. I already had a headache from not eating. Then they loaded me up with a couple shots of contrast dye to read the images on the MRI. I sat for an hour getting more and more ill. My time came up to get in the machine and guess what I did to that giant MRI. I was so upset and so sick that I totally knocked it offline. The tech kept saying over and over that she never had that happen. She had no idea what to do. She had turned it on and left initially but as soon as she left I think I being very sick and upset.. I shut it down. She had to reboot the whole system. There were other techs to run down, codes to find... and though I was sick as a dog I had to chuckle. I could go on but you get the idea. This still goes one. It's a part of me. I have had to very talented psychics tell me that I am operating at a very powerful frequency. It could be why people are either attracted to me or they shun me. I do see this. I can be an aisle all by myself and in less then 30 seconds I will be surrounded.. or.. I make people feel at unease. I admit. I'm different. I'm not even going to lie anymore. I'm a freak and I'm just trying to figure it all out. More cool stuff... read on!

3. Animals Love Me!! This is not just a part of this particular  time period but all my life I have loved animals. I love all creation. I have no fear of any creature. I pick up snakes. I have no issues with worms. Every photo of me as a young child I was surrounded by stray cats or dogs. Whenever I would go for my long walks as a young child I would sit and watch birds fly over me and I would stare at fish in the creek for long periods of time and they were never afraid of me. During my awakening period this affinity for animals went to another level. I was feeding wild birds and just going about my business when I realized one morning that there were birds everywhere! In all my trees were various birds waiting for me. They followed me as I walked. There were blackbirds, crows, woodpeckers, cardinals, wrens. I woke up one morning and had an owl sitting on my mailbox! I rescued a red tail hawk on my back porch. He was caught in between chairs and I grabbed a heavy tail and began to talk to it. My husband watched in awe as I calmed this terrified majestic bird down to gently carry it out and set it free. I had raccoons follow me. They would eat along side the cats. They got along well. Every now and then the raccoons would get territorial with each other and I would scold them. They would stop and behave once more. I attracted lady bugs. When outside they would swarm to me and I would laugh. I had butterflies land in my hand and sit while meditating. One morning a yellow monarch chose to sit in the palm of my hand and I took it in to show my husband. He asked what was wrong with it. Nothing! He knows I love him. That butterfly let me walk around with him for a good ten minutes. I took him back outside and off he went. Hawks fly over me whenever I run. This has been happening since I was a child. I will rescue turtles from the highway. I have had deer walk up to me. I have called in and talked to a pack of wolves. This is one of  the beautiful gifts that I cherish. It is also the reason why I cannot kill or eat flesh. I feel that universal connection to all living things. Humans I'm a bit impatient with but I'm getting better. Probably the strangest thing I do is that when I see a wasp or bee in the house. I will capture it and set it free. Same with spiders. Animals seem to sense my frequency better then humans. My theory... most of humanity is still shut down and shut off. Even those who say they are awakened, I still feel they are not. Why? The key is empathy. It is a gift that everyone was born with but it is buried. It is often confused with sympathy. Empathy connects you fully to all lifeforms. It is the true connection of Universal Love. We cannot be fully awakened if empathy is not fully developed.

4. Spontaneous Invisibility: I love this one. This I have my suspicions has been happening to me all my life. Explains why people look over me. When this became apparent was around 2000. I was working as a manager for a health food store. We were slow and my employees went on break so I was there doing inventory and chilling out to some meditative music. I heard the door ring as customers came in. We had a laid back business so I left them browse for a bit. Then they started to walk towards me. I smiled up at them as I was kneeling on the floor to put vitamins on the shelf. I said hello and asked if they needed any help. Now they are standing right in front of me now. They ignore me! What!? I shrug wait a few minutes thinking they are just self absorbed then I decide I better see what they're up to. I walk over to them and they both scream! We didn't know anyone was in here! Where did you come from. I'll mention this again. My store was very small. There is nowhere for me to hide and they walked right up to me. They did not see me. I have had people walk into me,then getting the same bewildered look. I do it to my poor husband when I am in book stores. I'll get really calm and into my zone and he can't find me. I'm not there. I've done this to my co-workers and recently at my last job with a customer. I did a bit of investigation into this. I'm not really going anywhere. It's perception. When I am vibrating at a much higher frequency then the human eye, I will appear not to be there. I had an old man walk right into me at the grocery store a few weeks ago. Scared the living crap out of him. I refer to being in the zone as when I am feeling totally detached from my surroundings. I also seem to do it when I am fully focused on a task. The other day when someone on facebook mentioned I was a young soul just learning.. I thought of all my experiences and just giggled. If he only knew! Still love the sweet soul but get a tickle when they can't yet perceive the messenger.  More cool stuff! Read on!

5. Orbs, sparks and angelic music: During my last three years we have the increase of orbs appearing in all my photos. They are big. They are solid and NO... they are not water drops. This is the first thing the skeptic will say. Okay... then if so.. why do they only appear stationed over my head? Hmmmmmm? I also and continue to know when time is slowing or speeding up. It fluctuates. I have been able to slow time on my own but for no longer then 30 minutes at a time. Seeing and viewing parallel worlds. Contact with loved ones on the other side and specifically during this time I would wake to the very loud sound of angelic music. That's the only way to describe it. This was persistent during my last three years. Now about this time we are heading into the homestretch. I have about two to three years max where I have no memory. It was pure  electrical tuning and refining the light body. I also suspect there was some DNA encoding taking place as I would hear different frequencies. The skeptic would say it was normal ringing in the ears. NOT. Explain then  why it would actually change tones as if someone was using a dial in my brain.

All these things are still occurring, though I do not have seizures anymore, as I suppose they were not what they seemed. I to this day know I was being rewired. Now how  the seizures stopped is quite funny. I woke up one morning. I think it was the summer of 2010 and informed my husband that I was done! Done what?  I am done with the seizures. They're gone. By now my husband has learned that whatever I say.... is not to be questioned. I was off of my anti-seizure meds in a weeks time. Not something to do ever! It usually takes awhile to wean off as these powerful drugs can cause more intense seizures if taken off too fast. As far as I was concerned the drugs were never working anyway as something more wonderful and profound was taking place. I was waking. I was being prepared. I was becoming.

I still experience all of the above. My average day is really not so average. This is my everyday life. Though it may seem unbelievable this is just me. I have bad days. I get frustrated but I know I have a job to do. Awakening happens in layers. I get a tickle when I see the lists on the internet to tell you if you are fully awakened. It happens in spurts, stages and it never happens all at once. These poor human shells couldn't hold all that energy. Look what happened to me for five years!

I'm still learning. I'm not as meek as I once was. I'm awake but now for me it's the remembering part. I listen to sound frequencies, drink lot's of water, I take no pharmaceutical drugs, I do not smoke nor drink I have no taste for violence. I can't get into games such as sports and competing. I may be strange. I may be a missing link. I did contact a few psychics. Most I have come across are shams. Especially tarot card readers. They can't read me and are not gifted enough to do so. There are two that have been consistent. They both have said that I am not a human soul. I'm cool with that. Makes sense. I am operating at a powerful frequency different then humans. I am surrounded by many guardians and guides. Yep. .. spot on there too. Also my aura appears to psychics as blue to violet and purples. I'm one big mystery is what I am. And it's been tough! This has not been a glamorous path so no one needs to envy me. I have been broken. I have even been suicidal at points. It is tough trying to exist in a world that you just go against in every way shape and for. I may even be the next step in human evolution but whatever I am.. I am here to learn and to share and most of all to teach others to love life. Especially how to accept and love those of us sweet brave souls that chose to incarnate into a maddening world that has yet been able to put aside its perception of normal to embrace the Universal Aspect of Every Divine Expression of Love. I am one of many expressions and so are you.

Blessings of eternal love and light,
Tawnya

My Five Year Awakening Part 1

This part of my life will be addressed in my book as well. This was one of many challenges I have faced on my journey. As I am writing and making notes about all the things that have happened, I realize that I have been doing an injustice to myself and my journey. I've had a voila moment,that I am far from ordinary and average. This is not coming from my ego as I have battled with very low self-esteem all my life. I've never been one to boast or fluff my own feathers but at the same time it's okay to acknowledge ones sacrifices and spiritual gifts and challenges. Looking back, I now can see the bigger picture and it is just freaking awesome!

So what many people don't know about me is for approx. five years I went through a massive change. At first I  had not one clue as to what was taking place. All I can say is I sure am glad this is the 21st century and the Medieval days of witch burnings is over! Well.. almost. I have tried to find others that have had these experiences and have come up zilch. Once again, I thought by joining a social network I could find others like me. Not a chance. Facebook is by far the worse choice in "coming out" about anything that is out of the ordinary that the human mind can grasp. I searched in so called spiritual communities for enlightened answers. All I got was silence. Love it when others ignore you. My initial reaction was to get royally pissed. I have real extraordinary things taking place in my life and I get snubbed and ignored. I chalk it up to they are either afraid or just don't believe me. Also I had an epiphany... what if you were a college student that had questions about quantum physics and you were in a kindergarten class asking 4 year olds these very complex questions?  Of course they would ignore you as they haven't a clue as to what you are talking about! It makes sense. I'm not in anyway saying I am better. I just think my path is a bit unusual and it's silly to think I could get real help from a  place as Facebook. I'll forever chuckle over this blunder. Anyway on with the story.....

I was working for a doctors office in Mississippi about 8 years ago. I was settled into the job. I was working in the billing department. I had my own little office and all day long I would just input codes and call insurance companies. It was low stress and I was very content. I was in my second year of college and that was going well also, when out of the blue I started to have what I call "electric strikes" at the base of my skull. They would radiate outwards but it would happen for a second and then be over. I just thought it was due to me sitting bent over looking through paperwork and working on a computer all day. I'd take a over the counter headache pill and forget about it.  Over the course of about three months the "electric strikes" came on more often and much stronger. I still thought it was just a nerve pinched and ignored it. Until my almost fatal car accident!

I was on my way to work on a beautiful early summer morning. The sun was coming up and sparkling between all the wonderful trees. I was listening to a classical CD and just preparing myself mentally for the day ahead. I came up onto a bridge when I saw a bright flash and then the most fiercest of electrical energy ran through my entire brain. I paused which I now realize was me blacking out for a few seconds and the next thing I realize is that I am driving head on into the bridge. I lose control of my car but quickly end up in a ditch just narrowly going into the steep embankment into the river! I am crying and screaming. I am beyond scared. A loud truck goes by the the noise sounds like a nuclear warhead going off in my brain! What in the hell is happening to me?! I call my husband on the cell phone and he asks if I can drive back home on my own. I have no idea as to where is thinking was. I think at the time he didn't realize the seriousness of the situation. Well he soon found out. Over the course of a year I suffered 24/7 with the electric strikes. My family doctor sent me to  neurologist who looked at me for one minute, gave me an MRI  and dismissed me as having migraines with auras. That was of course wrong. I went to another so called specialist who affirmed that it  also was a migraine and put me on a medication that did absolutely nothing. It was an anti-seizure medication that was suppose to help those with certain migraine disorders. Well.. I took the max dosage, lowered my I.Q to that of a 2 year old and if anything was getting worse. I now could not walk without falling to the ground. I would be walking along and my legs would become like rubber and I would fall. My arms did whatever they wanted and the electric shocks were constant now. And I slept... a lot! Onto neurologist number three. I tried one more time and this time... I was given an EEG. This measures your brain waves and he used a strobe light  to monitor if there was any abnormal brain activity. As soon as the strobe light started I started to have a seizure. Voila! This is it! I must be having seizures. They diagnosed me with Complex Partial Seizure Disorder. What that means is that only a portion of my brain showed abnormal activity and the complex part was that while all this nerve farting was taking place, I may become unconscious.  The sparkling white lights were auras and so on and so forth. The mystery was solved right? NOT! I went through so many drugs and each time with the same results. I would experience the bad side affects but not change in the so called seizure activity. I had every neurological tests done to me and some were very painful! The worse was having needles stuck into my muscles then having them shocked. That was barbaric! And all during this time I had to quit college, quit my job and I was unable to drive. As far as finances.. it bled us dry. My husband made too much and it was a nightmare to even try and get supplemental income for disability. I soon found out just how screwed up that system is. An alcoholic or drug user could get help but not me. I was having over 30 seizures a day!!!!! Anyone who is familiar with seizures knows that having just one makes you extremely tired. So between the seizures, the medications side effects, I kind of went into survival mode. I wasn't able to use the stove anymore as my memory loss was severe. I was unable to count numbers, recite my ABC's let alone carry on a conversation. My husband told me he would ask me a question and I may repeat over and over what another person would say but I couldn't comprehend too much of anything. This went on for about three years. The last two years is when I came out of survival mode and when the real questions started...

What happened during these last two or so  years of my ordeal was my realization that something extraordinary and miraculous was taking place. This is why I need to write my book and share my story as it is just mind-blowing that an ordinary no-body like me could be experiencing such things! After ruling out all logical explanations as I was having too many "other" things taking place that I now knew something more on the lines of the mystical and metaphysical were taking place. The first three years was my downloading time and  re-wiring stage. My entire being was being rewired for my new soul body. The electric shocks were medically dismissed as unknown origin. No one knew. Everything was checked. According to everyone I was healthy! I had a below average temperature which now is the norm for me. There were no pinched nerves, no slipped discs. I had no neurological or muscular diseases but... I was always showing abnormal brain activity. So there we have it. A medical mystery.

This is part one of my awakening. This is the logical medical side of my five year hiatus from life. Part 2 I will get to the good juicy stuff. This is where you must have an open mind because this is a walk on the wild and fantastic side. This adventure was by far one of the most challenging for me as a spirit and as being a human being. I battled with depression as no one ever really helped me. But stay tuned... as this ride is about to take to the wild magical side! Stay tuned!

My Descent Into Hell

Okay now I know many may not understand this so I will try to make this post as simple as possible for all to understand. Those who follow specific organized religions or even the New Age crowd may shy away from this but please don't as it contains very wise and loving information. It's a very personal part of my spiritual journey that I have felt compelled to share. In my book there will be more detail but this will be the shortened version.

The Descent Into Hell so to speak is a path that Shamans, Spiritual Masters and other esoteric paths have chosen to take in order to learn, heal and to evolve as a soul. Now how can one do such things? This has to be the words of a crazy person. Well, on my unbeaten path, I've come to learn that nothing is ever as it appears to be. What may seem like light is really not and what many seem dark is not really that either. Lost yet? It's ying and yang, positivity/negativity, higher/lower. The never ever ending to find out which is right and which is wrong.  What I am finding is both are the same side of the coin. How can this be?  I can't tell you. Spirituality is all about experiencing the journey. Back to my descent into hell. I suppose you can say it was a progressive journey of my own doing. In the end I found out that by going there, I found myself. Now I can see people running screaming. OMG! She's a demon. Nope. You are so wrong. Shamans since the beginning of time have traveled to the Netherworlds/ Hel/Underworld to find and heal the Shadow Self. So what is the Shadow Self?In plain layman's terms, it's that side the majority of humanity do not want to admit they have.  We ALL HAVE A SHADOW SELF. It's that primal wounded self that lives in the very deep parts of our subconscious, the Shadow Self contains our anger, hatred, pain, lust and well everything that we suppress. Ego loves to repress Shadow. How dare I admit I have weaknesses and flaws boasts the ego. I especially see this in the New age crowd these days. Oh I agree with them about the need to raise our conscious awareness and I agree we need to have more love and light in the world but at the same time I see in them what I once upon saw in me... the fear of my dark side. You can never fully heal until you embrace your darkness. What is nice about descending is it's all upwards and forwards after that. Because when you find the courage to journey to this dark place within you have to now ascend to the next level. For further reading please look into the writings of Carl Jung and even various ascended masters have at sometime during their souls journey descend where few dare to tread. It's my point about not is ever as it seems. Now onto a brief look into my Descent Into Hell and meeting my Shadow Self

I guess you can say I have been frequent flyer in the astral planes for as long as I can recall. My earliest memories are around the age of 3 perhaps 4. I have flown to wonderful worlds and have met many spiritual beings, talked to ancestors who have passed over and lovingly help me here and there when I need them. I've seen angels of  light bearing giant beautiful wings tipped in gold and glowing in the light of the Creator. I've seen those of non-human origins. I've shape-shifted into a wolf on my travels and this is just the tip of the magical and spiritual places I have traveled to during waking and sleeping state. The most profound visit was my visit to Hell. Not the Christian Hell of fire and brimstone. But close. There are so many layers of existence that it's hard to put into words for the human mind to perceive. They are real and they exist. my adventure was during a time in my life where I as always was seeking answers. I have found that most of my answers never come from without but from within. Meaning.. you can visit social networks, blogs, books, other people, teachers but often we need to do the legwork ourselves. I know that's not what many wish to hear but it's true. The well seasoned soul recognizes this and is smiling right now and perhaps nodding. Those who choose to lead usually make their own way and find the well beaten path not to their liking and so choose to pave their own path. Back to hell.... I woke up in one of my dreams ... the term for this is becoming "lucid". This is a state where you become conscious while in the sub-conscious. It was very dark and I was in the middle of a forest. The trees were gnarly and twisted. There was an old wooden shanty that  was on the brink of collapsing if so much as a butterfly sat it's bum on it. There was one broken window. I did not like this place. I wanted to wake up. I looked at my hands and told myself to wake up. This usually works. This time it didn't. What happened next I will keep to a minimum. I was shown in what seemed forever the most horrible acts of violence, hatred and every act of evil the whole of humanity has ever done. I realized where I was at. This was where all the nightmares of mankind exists. I wanted out! Holy crap! I was back once more in front of the little shanty. I heard the most horrible screaming in my life and that scream was coming for me! I wanted to run into the shanty. Run into the woods? NOT!  I stopped and this is where the weirdness starts. I recall reading about this Underworld and I decided to confront what was coming. I couldn't be physically hurt as I was in an astral plane. Albeit a lower astral plane.

My pause to reflect did not prepare me for what happened next. This screaming snarling banshee came at me with fury and knocked me down! What! I felt it. She slashed at my arms and it hurt! What! Wake up! Wake up! And I can't. The Banshee Screaming Hell Creature is screaming, spitting and snarling and I lunge and grab her. And I hold her and I won't let go. She has been chasing me all my life. She's been with me from the beginning. She is ME! She is my Shadow. Every nightmare I ran from screaming. Every boogeyman I thought was chasing was ME! I loved here. I shouted and I cried with her. She struggled at first and then she became calm. I saw in her all the times I felt hurt, pain, the times I was abused, beaten and neglected. All my past lives lived through her.  She held onto the time I was hung from the bridge as a witch. She was there for the time I was shot down in 1942 by Nazi soldiers. She was there when I was in abusive relationships, when I allowed others to steal my light. And I embraced her. She began to sob and I began to cry and this screaming Shadow Self merged into my heart chakra and the most peaceful loving feeling overcame me. I felt myself ascending into a bright light. My task had been completed. Just one of many more to come I have learned.

I guess my message is ... everyone is on a journey of discovery and no one path is the right way. I have found that it's not all black and white. It's actually gray most of the time and with my recent Bliss Experience with which I shall share at a later time, life is so beyond complex and magical that I find that judging anything at face level does a disservice to the experience and to the person one judges. I"ll share more in my Bliss Experience. Until then..... live , love and learn and above all be kind to one another as we can never ever truly understand it all. We're all here to learn and that's about it!
Peace Always,
Tawnya

Church of the Alien Mind?!?

Not too many dreams last night. My ability to sleep properly has been a bit dampened since moving to Pittsburgh. The reason: It's too noisy here. The road in front of our home is like a speedway, even though it' situated on a sharp turn and steep hills. They all drive with absolutely no sense at all. It also seems to be the norm for every redneck male in a 100 mile radius to have an over-sized,obnoxious gas-guzzling truck that is loud enough to wake the dead. It's a living hell. In order to not go insane from sleep deprivation I've resorted to taking just over the safe dosage of sleeping pills as well as wearing ear plugs, running a loud fan to block out the noise pollution and I sleep with a pillow over my head. If I'm lucky, I'll get a max of four hours of sleep. Now everyone knows why I really want to move away from this hell. I did squeak out an interesting quirky dream. Enjoy!

Dream: The Church of the Alien Mind
I am standing outside in the wide open countryside and I am soooooo happy to be free of the noisy city. It is heaven. I hear a bird chirping and a lady appears in front of me. "Now where in the heck did she come from?" I  exclaim. The lady smiles and tells me she would like to invite me to attend the Church of the Alien Mind. The what!!!!?!! When does it start and where is it? She smiles and disappears. Wait! You can't just tell me something and then pop out like that! Come back! End of dream.

Interpretation: This was quite interesting. I have a spirit guide who is a gypsy and dresses like a cross between a Mad Hatter and RuPaul. She's short and comes off as being stark raving mad lunatic but she's speaks in symbolism but is spot on in everything she tells me. I've also learned she likes to disguise herself. For some reason I think this was her doings. She's quite the trickster but I love working with her because she shows me wild things right before something good comes into my life. So... what is the message? I suspect that a spiritual teacher is coming into my life. One that will be properly guiding me as to all the mysterious things that have been happening in my life. My loneliness as a soul is coming to an end as I reunite with others like me. Now this could be quite an adventure. Church of the Alien Minds. Sounds like title for a Terry Prattchet novel.

No Negativity On My Doorstep!

Okay, so last night I had some revelations both in a waking state and while in dream state. It's always a good thing when you can connect the two. That means you can successfully progress along your path when you learn from everything that takes place in the past and in the present. Everything is connected. It also breaks karmic patterns. I see them all around me. People caught up in the same dramas, fighting back and for and no one getting anywhere. I guess that sums up the human race that remains unawakened.

So... here's how it all started. My mother and I take turns calling each other on Fridays. We usually chit chat about the weeks events and each other is doing. We rarely go too deep as we are kind of on very different paths. She's still a very conservative Christian and well... I'm very spiritual and embrace it all . I still think to this day someone switched me at birth. We have never really gotten along but we have made amends over the year. She still doesn't get me. She knows I'm psychic and an empath but I think her mind goes elsewhere when I try to share with her. She's yet to realize I've been reading her for 44 years now and I realized last night that well... she's still a very negative person and carries a lot of lower vibrations of fear, anger and intolerance. She makes horrible comments about gay people. My husband and I have lot's of gay friends and fully support Gay Rights. She doesn't like the fact that people of different races marry one another. AUGH!! So not me. I see no color. Just human beings. She believes in all that fire and damnation stuff that I walked away from over  20 years ago. My mother has been transferring all this junk onto me since I was born and I blocked her last night. I felt it! I put up a shield while talking to  my own mother. Here's what happened:

She wasn't feeling well, so I told her to take better care of herself. That's it. In the old days we'd go on and on and on and then I'd end up sick.  Not this time. Then she asked if I watched Dr. Oz? I said that I didn't watch much television as it is so negative these days. You have to watch what you're putting into your subconscious. I watch at the max three hours of television and even then I walk away if it gets negative. I don't watch news or weather. Don't care to be stressing over the weather as that is just a plain waste of time and energy and as for the news.. well that is self explanatory. I do get news online without all the dramatic violent images assaulting me. She went on to say, "You should have watched Dr.Oz the other day! He had people in the audience tell him their symptoms and then everyone was to guess the cancer that went with it." And she explained all this in a very excited voice. WHAT THE  HELL!!!??!! MOM! THAT IS NEGATIVE SHIT!" She still kept going. I told here that the mind is powerful and if people think over and over about anything... then by god the Universe is going to give them just what they keep thinking about. She finally stopped talking and I tried to tell her the news about the book I was going to write. I could hear the lack of interest with the crickets chirping. Okay, so I'm being a bit melodramatic but you get the picture. Talking about other people, gloom and doom, she gets excited. I announce I'm going to write a book. No enthusiasm. And this has been the way it's been all my life! On to the dreams... watch the connection.

Dream#1: Demon Be-Gone!

I am at the home I grew up as a teenager. Everything is still the same. It's very cloudy outside. It looks like a very bad storm is coming in. It is spring time and the flowers are starting to bloom. I see various cats running about. Normal. When out of nowhere this demon type energy comes running at me and stops about five feet in front of me. I stand my ground! I do not run and hide. It begins to raise it's hands to attack me when I raise my hand with palm facing out and out comes this intense beam of energy. It looks at me shocked. How dare I do such a thing. Well I did and here's another. Now be gone! End of dream.

Interpretation: Spiritual/Psychological: I know for sure this was not a real demon but represented the negative energies that try to feed off of me or pull me down. As a very sensitive empath I can feel everyones mood around me. If a young woman walks by me in the store and is in an abusive relationship, I can feel it. If someone is very ill and even if you cannot see it from the outside, I can feel that sickness. My mother all her life has been transferring her fears, guilt, anger, hatred onto me. I broke the co-dependent relationship from her in 1997 but now I connect many of the feelings of depression, sadness a lot of the times were not my own. Kinda not fair if you think about it. I spoke with a very dear friend of mine recently and explained only the strongest of the strong can do what I chose to do in this life. I no longer look at my gifts as curses. I also am learning they are a gift. I also have the gift to transmute these negative energies of others. I am taking on others energies, healing them and... myself at the same time. For anyone reading this and is familiar with Ascension and or the Global Awakening of Human Consciousness, these are exciting times of spiritual growth. I am awake and I am writing a book about how I came into this world as a very loving sensitive empath/healer born into basically a very toxic environment with my sanity and soul still intact to tell about it. Yes, there will be humor in my book as well. You never know.. I might be the next Allison Dubois aka "Medium". I  still love my mom but she's not awake yet as a soul and I'm not sure she will as she clings so much to her negative beliefs. This is where Free Will gets frustrating. We can help others only so much but in the end it will be up to them how then live out their life in this incarnation. We'll all meet in the end  so until then you extend love to them and walk away from that which does not resonate with you. Blessings!

I'm Back!

Wow! It's been quite sometime since I have blogged. Been very busy with a lot of tremendous changes for quite sometime. It seems I'm always on a new adventure. Since I've last posted, I have moved from my beautiful home in Mississippi to the not so enchanting city of Pittsburgh. I'm doing my best but the city does not resonate with my soul. We moved here out of financial fear and hardship so I'm making changes that will have our final destination in the area of Asheville, North Carolina. Enough of the boring stuff..

Far as the spirit world goes, I am still very active. My dreamtime which has inspired this blog has been sporadic. Unlike the days when I was a regular blogger with many astral travels to share. Again.. lot's of changes with me. Becoming stronger in my psychic abilities. Coming to term with the unusual phenomena that has been happening to me since 1997. Still seeing the sequence of numbers but instead of just being mystified or talking about it seeing them I have been accepting them and applying them to what I am becoming. Also have seen a lot of labels in the New Age Movement as to the different souls that have come on board for these very special times approaching our planet. Of course most have heard of Indigoes, Star Seeds, Pleiadians, Human Angels, Blue-Rays, Arcturians....and on and on it goes. For a long time I thought for sure I was a Pleiadian. Not so sure now. I'm something unique and I have some of the best psychics stumped. My frequency is very powerful and strong hence the issues with my hypersensitivity to electro magnetic fields, sensing others vibrations, spontaneous invisibility, and the list goes on. I'm very humble when sharing this stuff as most of the time I am met with disbelief. I'm a real person and these incredible things are taking place. Have been unable to hold down any job for any period of time. So I'm not like a Hollywood movie or fantasy story.. this is real and my journey has been very challenging.

The reason I came back is that I have been trying to get back in touch with my guides but also have a strong desire to get in contact with the Ascended Master Jesus and the Archangel Michael has been someone I feel connected too so this may sound silly but I have been placing pictures of these two under my pillow at night and meditating just before I go to sleep, my intention to speak with them.... and here's my dream that took place last night... all I can say is... WOW!  Enjoy your trip on the Astral Plane and Welcome to a Sacred Part of Me. Blessings!

Dream# 1 Making Contact!
I walk into a living room and there is a man sitting on the sofa smiling. I am so excited to see him!
" Oh my! Are you my teacher?" He nods all the while smiling and not saying a word. In my excitement I ask him another question. "Are you here about the aliens? I have a picture of my daughter I want to show you. I'll be right back!"

I walk down a long hallway to a bedroom to grab some photo albums. Then I remember that the photo I want to show him is on Facebook! I apologize to my "teacher" and tell him that I can't show him. I start to turn the light off in the bedroom as it is daytime and the light bulb blows out. Oh crap! Not again. I tell the teacher this always happens to me whenever I become excited, agitated or angry. I look out in the hallway and it appears I knocked all the electricity out in the house. I must really be sending out some wild energy today. At that moment.. I start to feel my whole body begin to vibrate. First it is slow and then it picks up speed. I feel the need to lie down right there on the hallway floor. I become very calm and still as this vibration moves all through my body. I have never felt so peaceful in my entire life! I feel my body begin to rise off the floor. I am levitating! I don't resist or even analyze the moment as this is too sacred to interrupt. After a few moments I come back down and I find myself very calm about the whole incident.

I walk back into the living room and my teacher is still sitting on the sofa and he is observing me as to see what I will do next. I hear fan running and I look at the clock on the DVD player and see 1:11. As soon as I recognize the numbers I feel the vibration happening again and once more I begin to levitate. My teacher leaves the room and seems to be satisfied with our first session.

Thinking the astral visit is over I wake briefly but I am soon back in the astral world once more. Still in the house but now my mother is there. She has brought a ton of food for me to eat. Good, because after this heavy astral I'm going to need it to get grounded again!

She does a strange thing next.She walk over and begins to inspect my neck. What? I tell her to leave me alone as I always have strange marks on me but they disappear quickly. She goes back to preparing more food.

I decide to go outside and am I ever glad I did! Outside it is so beautiful. What a wonderful world I created. There are flower gardens everywhere with lovely stone paths gently weaving in and out of the various explosions of color and beauty. I see butterflies flickering about enjoying the tasty nectar. I also see that it has finished raining and there are puddles about the path. Raindrops glisten and catch the suns crystal rays reflecting this Garden of Love that I created. I am so very happy. This is my little heaven . I see my father working in a garden behind the house. He I know is visiting from the Other Side which really isn't the other side but a different parallel of existence. I wave hello and he smiles back! Yay!!!  I love when my dad stops in for a visit.

I continue to walk around the house. I see where there is additions being added to the house. It's quite grand but at the same time down to earth. I come upon a place where it is quite a leap to get from the new construction to the original part of the house. I'm not afraid as I know I now have control and I take the giant leap and land safely. End of dream!

Interpretation: This was a spiritual dream. No doubts there. If this is your first time reading my blog you may visit my other entries to get an idea of how I categorize and interpret my dreams. Again, I made and effort to contact help before going to sleep. This was not of course The Ascended Master Jesus and I don't think it was the Archangel Michel. I have quite a few teachers but this one is a new one. The whole experience was lucid. I felt, smelled, and was fully conscious while in this state. In other words I became awake in my dream. The vibrations I have begun to feel in the waking world. It usually happens when I am working with different sound frequencies either for healing or for pineal gland awakening. while sitting I can feel what I thought was the floors shaking only to realize it was me vibrating. Not as strong of course as when in this astral travel but it could be felt.
The alien stuff.... well that's for another day. I am on the search to what I am and what is my exact mission . I am stumping the best of them and most people just get all creepy and freaked out when I mention what is taking place. But I am compelled more then ever to keep growing into this new body and waking up each day to the wonderful sweet soul that chose to incarnate during these chaotic but fantastic times on planet Earth. A place more mysterious and complex then what the majority of humanity as yet to understand.

Sending love and healing light to all who have chosen to take this fantastic ride with me!